Judith Kerr died but the inspiration lives.

Just a quick note to say that Judith Kerr died. She is the woman I talked about in my New Year’s Day post. She was interviewed about her creative work at the Savoy at the age of 95, by the Guardian.

I thought about looking to find out more about her life, but in the end I decided against that. I know enough. I know all I need to know to set my own goals and design my own path.

She said she worked every morning, so she didn’t feel the day was wasted. I respect that. Especially for an accomplished woman at her age. I want to be such a person. And I want to be interviewed at the Savoy at 95.

So all I have to do now is fill that space between now and then with something worthy of an interview. And I have to keep myself fit and strong to reach that age and be able to work and go to the Savoy.

Any ideas? What is your dream? What is your goal?

Goodbye Judith Kerr!

How about you do your best right now?

What is it going to take to realise that life is now, and you better do your best now!

Do your best every minute of every day. Don’t wait for another moment, another time, another day to do your best and be your best because that clearly means one thing: that now you are not at your best. That another day, another time you can do better and be better. And can you really?

If you can, why not now then? If you can, simply do it now, today. Or just give up on the illusion of the perfect tomorrow and the perfect super-hero you, when you have the energy and the strength and the time to do everything perfectly. To do everything as you imagined you could. But apparently can’t right now. Why is that? I have one suggestion to make today: if you want something done differently, do it differently.

If you want to be a different person, be a different person. Now in this moment.

Because life is now, and the best version of you today, is who you are now. Not whatever idealistic dream you might have about another life, another you. You are never going to wake up and be able to do everything as you dreamt about. No matter how many hours you sleep at night, you are not going to get up one day and make everything perfect. This simply isn’t happening. So you might as well start now. Start right now, within this perfect moment.

Like that little girl who wants to wear the fairy-princess dress the moment she’s got it. She doesn’t want to wait for the perfect party, and the perfect company and the perfect day. She wants to wear it and enjoy it right now. And she’s right. And while we might want to be a bit more logical, and save the perfect dress for the perfect occasion, how about we enjoy this moment right now. And do our best and be our best right now?

Raise the daily standards if you have to. Why not? Our choice. We choose who we want to be. All I’m saying is, do it now!

IF

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

Yet another inspirational poem for my post today. I hope you like it. I hope it helps.

Do you know of a poem conveying the same feeling but referring to a woman?

Which poem is your favourite? Share it in a reply.

Thanks!

Invictus

by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me, 
      Black as the pit from pole to pole, 
I thank whatever gods may be 
      For my unconquerable soul. 

In the fell clutch of circumstance 
      I have not winced nor cried aloud. 
Under the bludgeonings of chance 
      My head is bloody, but unbowed. 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears 
      Looms but the Horror of the shade, 
And yet the menace of the years 
      Finds and shall find me unafraid. 

It matters not how strait the gate, 
      How charged with punishments the scroll, 
I am the master of my fate, 
      I am the captain of my soul. 

This post is the poem Invictus by Willliam Ernest Henley. He was an influential British poet who died in 1903, at the age of 54. He wrote this poem in 1875 and 144 years later his words speak to us all.

I would love to read your thoughts on those words. Mine? I just needed to remember that I can be, and that I must be, the master of my fate.

Can we really find the right balance in life?

Everybody talks about work – life balance. It is a popular discussion with numerous answers and different approaches all over the public domain. It is addressed both practically and spiritually.

“Everything in moderation” or “Pan metron ariston” said Cleobulus, one of the Seven Sages of Greece. He talked about finding balance in the 6^th century BC. Today we still struggle to achieve this. Can we ever achieve the perfect balance? What is it all about? Is it about the destination, or about the journey?

I do believe that finding balance is not limited to the dipole between the personal and the professional. Finding balance is relevant to all aspects of our lives, anything that involves decision making and relations with others. No event is ever all black or all white, hardly ever is someone completely right or completely wrong. We constantly need to find balance and peace in our relationships with friends, colleagues, family, even with ourselves. Perhaps most importantly with ourselves.

Balance is about peace and fairness. A state where all elements have been considered; all the different facts and opinions and feelings.

There are so many opposites to consider:

• Caring for looks VS caring for education.
• Working towards goals VS watching TV all the time
• Being a fashion victim VS not caring about image
• Being hysterical about how things are done VS being without concern, care, interest
• Being a liar and a hypocrite VS being brutally honest
• Being superficial VS taking everything close to heart, being super sensitive

Considering all of the above, it is so easy to give the answer: find the golden rule, the happy medium, the middle ground. Who would disagree? But what does this really mean?

It is so important that we are in peace with ourselves. I strongly feel the need to be in peace with myself, in my effort to be a good person.

• I want to eat the cake, but be thin as well
• I want to party all the time, but read all the books as well
• I want to have a killer career, but never get out of bed
• I also want a super healthy body, but never set foot in the gym

Easy, huh?

It took me years of conflict, to realize that yes, I can have it all. We can have it all; it’s all about balance. Give and take.

• Eat cake ever so often and not with each meal
• Stay in bed longer during weekends and not every day
• Visit the dreaded gym twice a week, not every day
• Read the self – development book with all the wonderful tips about time management – even if it is for 15 min in the evening. By the way, 15min is still a lot more than nothing!

Wouldn’t it be great if we could be in peace with our inner demons and the unfulfilled dreams and expectations, we all deal with? Let’s just be realistic for a moment, understand and respect the choices that led us to where we are today.

All we want is to be better isn’t it?

I cannot really decide which is more difficult:  peace with ourselves or peace with the others? Peace inside would probably be a good starting point, I think.

We need to explore the middle ground that leaves enough room for both sides.  When others are involved, we need to leave them room to breathe and maintain their self-respect. By all means, set a boundary but be equally prepared to respect the individuality of the other person – no matter what their role in your life.

I believe that the main idea, the underlying principle is to find our own personal position, our own personal happy place, the perfect analogy for our identity, our personality, our choices, our circumstances. To define the person we want to be and treasure it.

I would love to read your thoughts on this. Send me a reply if you would like to share.

In how many ways can you say something?

Have you ever tried this?
Expressing the same idea in many different ways.

Writing down the same idea in many different ways is a first for me. Each time with a different aim in mind. This was part of a learning exercise for an online writing course, and I found it very interesting and very revealing. I never thought I could say the same thing in so many ways. Let’s begin.

The original viewpoint

Self-discipline: the ability to make yourself do things you know you should even when you do not want to. However difficult to achieve, it is an important attribute of successful people.

Moving towards the reader

Making yourself do what is needed, even if you don’t feel like it, is commendable. Self-discipline is definitely aiding you in your road to success.

Moving away from the reader

Self-discipline is a commendable ability. Doing whatever necessary despite not feeling like it is difficult, yet necessary to succeed in any field.

Moving against the reader

Self-discipline is not exactly your strong-suit, is it? Well, no surprise there! It isn’t easy to do something when you don’t really feel like it. Success in life can come without this self inflicting discipline. I get it.

Push: suggest, advise, reason 

Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do the things you should, even when you don’t want to. It is often difficult but it is widely recognised as one of the main attributes of successful people.

Push: state expectations, evaluate, reward and threaten

Self-discipline is clearly expected of you at this stage. Your performance is clearly depending upon that and high marks will only derive from such an approach. Failure is imminent without this type of commitment.

Pull: listen, disclose, empathise

I know it is difficult. Self-discipline can be such a challenge, I know. I’ve been there. But I also know that it is necessary. It really makes a difference at the end if the day. It’s the only way to become the best and succeed.

Pull: identify common ground and create a scenario

Self-discipline is the way. I know, I’ve been there. Within this predicament it is absolutely necessary I’m afraid. Only by doing what is needed, even if you don’t feel like it at all, you are going to excel and succeed. But it’s worth it. Joining this team is going to be an amazing experience.

What did you think of this exercise? I’d love to read your thoughts on the different types of expression. Do send me a reply below.

I would like to thank my tutor Philippa Davies for this course and for all the feedback she sends me.

Do parents know better? A family story revisited

This is about family moments, about parents and children, about communication and respect. Being a parent is not easy. Sadly it doesn’t come with instructions. Our only hope is love. And laughing together.

This is my family’s Ketchup story which I first published a few days ago. Listening to the suggestions of friends I decided to rewrite it in a more dramatic way that doesn’t give away the outcome so quickly. This is my effort to rewrite the sequence in a more structured way, which is ultimately more enjoyable to read. I hope. Here it goes:

It’s Saturday morning and the family decided to go shopping. No shortage of needs in a house with two teenagers. At lunch time after all the absolutely, definitely, necessary items were bought, we go to their favourite restaurant for a quick lunch. Burgers all around.

And my husband decides it is best he handles the ketchup bottle so that the kids don’t make a mess.

And he shakes the Ketchup bottle while open. Why, I do not know. Why would anyone shake a ketchup bottle? Let’s just assume he thought this would make the sauce come out easier. And it did! All over the place! Not only on the plates but also on the table, the cutlery, the glasses.

The trajectory of the movement was marked in red. Thick red sauce. Only, we soon realised, the traces weren’t stopping at the edge of our table, rather they were visible on the floor leading to a shopping bag by the next table. The family sitting there didn’t realise what happened, but when I saw the red marks inside their bag, I just looked at my husband with eyes wide open. I couldn’t stop laughing despite the embarrassment!

Why on Earth did he think he could do this better that the kids?

Why assume they would make a mess and he wouldn’t? They are teenagers not toddlers.

Whatever possesses us parents and makes us believe we know better than them? About everything, not just ketchup. I will always remember that story for two reasons. First, I laughed a lot! Second, it made me think about our role as parents. We don’t always know better, and even if we do, we still make mistakes. And one more thing: Always ensure ketchup bottle is closed before shaking it! Or rather don’t shake it.

Is is a successful attempt? I’d love to know what you think in your reply.

My Inspiration for 2019: Judith Kerr

A creative woman at the age of 95

Most of this post is an excerpt from my Diary, from the pages where I tell myself how to plan my future. New Year’s Day post is dedicated to true role models and genuine inspiration.

A few days ago, I read one of the most inspiring articles ever. The interview of a lady at 95 who still writes or draws for two hours every morning so that she feels that the day “isn’t wasted”! I love Judith Kerr. She’s lived a creative life and continues to do so. She walks to the river for inspiration, she enjoys wonderful meals at the Savoy. Clearly, she has a mindset of usefulness and productivity. And she started writing and drawing in her forties. Which is excellent. Which means I can do this too.

That is what I dream of for myself. A full life where I forever create something useful, have a distinct reason for waking up every morning and lead an interesting life. She is active and alert and optimistic and quality driven. That is my role model. A 95 years old lady who still produces work and eats lobster at the Savoy while being interviewed for the Guardian. 

I love her energy, and the fact that she is happy about her grandchildren living in Rome, because that gives her an excuse to go to Rome. She loves that when they come to London they are excited about visiting places. I love her spirit, her mindset, her point of view. I love that she is alive and finds sincere and deep beauty in everything.

I want to become such a woman. A creative person, in peace with myself, in peace with my creativity and my desire to be useful. So, I too want to create something beautiful, and useful and interesting. I want to be that person that is calm and creative and respected and enjoys life and actively creates beauty! A person that has something to contribute to the world.

I’m so excited about Judith Kerr. That she exists is testament that I can make my dreams come true. That it is possible and feasible and real. I know it isn’t going to be easy. I don’t want it to be easy.

I wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR full of LOVE and INSPIRATION!

I’d love to read about your inspiration. Send me a reply and let me know.

No more “How to …” posts! What do you think?

Yes, Internet is a tool. It can help us connect and learn and communicate. We use it to find information, to amuse ourselves, to do our job. And we use it because we want to learn more things, new things, better things.

I want to learn how to improve my writing. How to better communicate with my tribe and share my thoughts. I am trying to find out the right tone of voice, the right topic, the best way to put my words in a line so people can understand me. And help me.

In my effort to achieve this I have been bombarded by “how to …” posts. There are hundreds of them on any topic, often entailing conflicting guidelines.

Do write often – Do not write often

Do write for content mills – Do not write for content mills

Do share personal staff – Do not share personal staff

There is lists and lists of “how to …” and “what to do …” everywhere online. And once they find out you are interested, they overwhelm you with e-mails and webinars and magical documents that solve everything.

My problem is, I am starting to feel they are lacking in honesty. Somebody somewhere decided that this type of posts and articles interest people. That they draw traffic and establish platforms. And maybe they do. I don’t know. So many websites are doing this, I guess it must be working!

But those writers, do they really think about me when they write? Do they think of a person, any person, as they write? Or do they follow the rules of success? Make up a list of instructions, make them easy to read and simple and approachable and off it goes. I am starting to feel neglected.

How about we share more truth and less guidelines? The most useful and inspirational piece of content I read online recently was the interview of Judith Kerr in the Guardian. She is a 95 years old woman and every day she writes her books, she draws, she walks to the river. In her interview she simply talks about her life, her choices, her way of doing things. And that is great. She shares her experience with no intention to teach the reader or offer instructions. She just lives the way that is fulfilling for her. I wish to become like that one day. And she simply talks about her life. That is truly inspirational!

Back to the “how to …” content. I think I’ve already had enough. I long to read more true stories, honest stories, human stories about writing, living, learning. And maybe that is the path I am to follow.

What do you think about all those articles offering guidelines? Do you enjoy them or have you also had enough?

Do you think they lack soul?

What do you think about good manners?

On being polite

Today, with two teenagers in the house, I felt the need to write this post about good manners. It is all about respect; self-respect as well as respect for others.

This is my monologue to them, my preaching and my effort to help them lead a happy life. 

This is also a good exercise, forcing me to clarify my message. Find the right balance between yesterday and tomorrow and express myself in a way that is clear, precise and contemporary! If it isn’t, they are never going to bother with it.

This is my effort to define the boundaries within which freedom and personal expression can really flourish.

Prospects, reasons and aspirations

I want my kids to behave appropriately every time. I want them to know the right thing to do even if they choose not to do it -occasionally!

I dream of a world where people respect each other even when they disagree. A place of honesty and integrity where there is no need for pretension, no desire to force personal opinions upon others.

Today people are often rude and disrespectful for no real reason, just because it is trendy to challenge the rules, authority, the government, the law, other people. Some object to good manners and politeness because they consider them too old fashioned and restrictive.

OK, there is an ambiguity as far as politeness is concerned. Politeness can be an act of conviviality and respect, but it can also be an act of hypocrisy. A set of rules which dictates that one is always pleased to meet someone, to find them interesting; that one has a pleasing demeanour  in every setting. A model behaviour for every social situation can be daunting.

I want to argue that freedom lies within the walls of respect, within the rules of society which are there to express our need for order, to protect us from chaos and give us the space to express ourselves without fear.

I aspire to convince my children that being polite is not old-fashioned but instead it is necessary for progress. For our development at a personal level, as well as our advancement as a society. According to Steven Pinker in his book The better angels of our nature good manners have led humanity to less violence and thus more progress.

Identify the reasons for being polite

In our modern society we get to choose. We get to choose our identity and our standing within our community. There is room for everyone and everything. One can find a group of peers in any setting, be it elegant and polite or completely vulgar and disrespectful.

My main concern is that there is awareness. Awareness and choice. It is imperative that every person makes a conscious choice bearing in mind the reasons and of course the anticipated outcome.

Behaving politely in any environment not only portrays you beautifully within the group of people but it is also effective in creating partnerships and alliances; in finding support and thus progressing.

What is life and happiness if not acceptance and support?

My dearest child, you need to be polite so that people see you, the real you, and are not thrown off by bad manners and lack of respect.

Everybody wants to feel respected and valued. Everybody deserves to be respected and valued.

What do you think? Do you value politeness or do you find it hypocritical?